WORLDS END
By Paul Sellar
BEN
So this is it, then. Our last dance.
Silence.
You didn’t really expect me to leave the key in a plant pot, did you?
Silence.
Not a day has gone by when I’ve not thought about you.
I’m feeling fragile now. So...handle with care.
You’re really going then, are you?
I’ve been going mad in here. You sneaked off without a word. You just left...I woke up and you were gone. Nobody said anything. Your parents wouldn’t let on. Your friends clammed up. I couldn’t stop wondering where the fuck you were. Know what kept me going? Knowing you’d have to come back for your stuff. That kept me going. Took me ages to find the note. It must have slid under the fridge. But even when I dug it out I was none the wiser. You may as well have written it in Japanese. “You’ll always be with me, somehow.” The fuck does that mean? What does that actually mean?
I know I was difficult but there were good times too. And I miss them. And you. I was so content with you. And so proud and...all the...I miss the little things. Those little walks, feeling your hand grab mine whenever you wanted to cross the road. You choking on that falafel. There were so many things...so many little things which-we were happy. We were...and we just let it slip through our...Where did it go?
I was a mess. I’d gone to pot. This place was a pigsty. But I got up this morning with a spring in my step. Found some bin liners. Cleared the whole place up. All because you were coming round.
All I’m saying really is that...I love you, Kat. I love you with every last drop of love in me. Don’t go.Stay. I want to make you happy. And I’m taking steps, you know. I am taking steps...and that’s why I was looking forward to seeing you again. To show you how much I was going to change. And to tell you how much I’m going to improve everything for us by taking steps; because I love you. And I know that now. And now that I know that, we’ll change things. All I’ve got to do is...grow up. That’s all. And I can do that. I’ve done it. Today. Well, not earlier...but now. In this moment. I’ve grown up. All I want now is for us to...get on with it all.
Beat.
And with you...the most beautiful...clever...magical girl that I’ve ever met...together with the right attitude...we could do anything...we could go anywhere...and we could make it all happen...anything at all...and it would be wonderful.
If you happen to see the kat who you used to be...the one who came with me to France, and sat next to me on the night train, hand in hand, or the Kat who jumped in the fountain in the square...if you see that Kat do you think...if you happen to come across her, do you think you could let her know that I’m sorry, and that I’ve turned over a new leaf, and that I’m sorry for hurting her, and for letting her down. So sorry. Will you tell her?