Boys-Modern

The Age of Consent

TIMMY
I’m just thinking.

They took us to see Toy Story. The second one, with the lesbo cowgirl.

It was fucking traumatic. I mean, I’m probably making this teddy bear now for some deeply disturbed reason. Really. After I saw Toy Story I started to have these ... well, not really nightmares, but close enough.

‘Coz I was thinking, you know, this isn’t Winnie-the-Pooh. It’s not about a boy who has his stuffed toys and they’re mates, the way mates are, like a peck of fucking lunatics and one’s a manic depressive donkey and one’s a slag rabbit and one’s a fucking pretentious overbearing owl. But at least they’re all outside in the woods, getting their exercise, and they’re like ... mates.

But Toy Story ... it’s fucking scary, this film. All the toys know they’re toys. They know they’re not unique. I mean, they have feelings, they can talk and they can think ... but it’s only to learn how to accept the fact they’re just these ... things ... like robots ... these meaningless pieces of shit that can get broken and replaced ... like slaves. And they don’t pretend that it’s not scary and miserable and humiliating. I mean, it’s just like a two-hour advert for selling the crap toys in the film, but then you watch the toys and they’re fucking depressed. And the only other option’s getting their arms ripped off, stuffing pulled out, being left on a rubbish heap somewhere, unwanted, some mongy little insignificant thing. (He gestures with the bear, providing a voice for it.) Toys are fucking brutal, too, mate.

But the scene that just ... I couldn’t get it out of my head. The stupid fucking space ranger walks into the shop and there it is ... a wall of identical toys, all exactly the same, all swearing that they’re unique and that they actually have space ranger powers, and not even turning their heads to see how completely ... completely the opposite of unique they all really are. Worthless. Worthless is the opposite of unique.

And I started having that ... nightmare, really. Going to ... I dunno ...

I guess it was Toys “R” Us, I’m not sure, I never have been there.

It was really the shop from the film with a wall of these ... dolls. Only they weren’t dolls. They were me. Or him.

It’s like ... I am totally the same as everyone else out there my age, and totally useless, a meaningless fucking robot, another up-his-own-arse space ranger who can’t even fly.